Hi, I’m Dave, author of all those articles your aunt sent you that you may or may not have clicked on.These include: the most-read post in BuzzFeed history, this ode to grocery store music, the new and improved high school GED test, and this stunning exposé.

RIP to those hats. Weep not for the memories.

Hmmm. I don't know about you, but I much prefer today's system of being shoved into the tiniest seat imaginable and having the most miserable four hours of your life.

Not sure what I expected, but definitely not that it'd look like a car cigarette lighter.

This is from someone who works at a nuclear plant. Neat!

I seriously doubt you can guess which is which.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that libraries are good.

You know I'd be liable to start slappin' the bag.

This is like something from an anime about avocado pits.

This is like something you'd see in a dream.

Shout out to the Disney corporation. You don't see people talking about them too often.

This is what the pinnacle of human innovation looks like.

I mean, yes, French is a different language from English, but this is my dumb brain we're talking about here, remember?

Imagine if instead of the Texas Triangle, it was just the entire country of Austria, though. Somethin' to think about.

Imagine climbing to the summit and enjoying an ice cold Mountain Dew Baja Blast Zero Sugar. Just like the pioneers.