“I wish I loved anything as much as my wife loves approximately 1/3 of a can of seltzer”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” I tell my husband as his handheld basket reaches 65 pounds because he refused to get a cart.

My boyfriend just asked me if I want to see the new Elizabeth Holmes documentary at 3pm on opening day. Ladies, if he wanted to, he would.

We were discussing baby names and my girlfriend said, "I want something original." I said, "What about Werthers?"

Me: Ugh. I think my man-cold is coming b-Wife: Do NOT finish that sentence.

My husband learned CPR. I’m glad, but I wish he’d stop looking at me like he’s waiting for an opportunity.

I become increasingly obsessed with my husband every day who just told me that the knock off lego sets have "an improper handfeel"

my husband uses nicknames for me so consistently that I'm beginning to wonder whether he knows my name. I double checked our wedding vows and my name wasn't in there. maybe he missed it on our first date and now after fifteen years of marriage it seems too late to ask

We have a traditional hunter-gatherer relationship: my husband walks right past all the amazon packages at the front door and I gather them up

yes my husband is my husband but he’s also my boyfriend and most importantly he is my unwavering loyal subject

“Did you adopt your cat?”Me: yes, my wife and I tried to conceive a cat for years and we weren’t successful