“The folks who understand that sex doesn’t need to look a certain way to be great are having a way better and more active sex life.”

If you think sex is exclusively the preserve of youth, data isn’t on your side.

Research has found that women who placed greater value on an active sex life were about 3.2x more likely to “stay busy” in their later years than those who didn’t find it as crucial. 

Women over 60 who regularly use sex toys orgasm more often than those who don’t – and a study found more and more people in this group are choosing to do so. Indeed Age Cymru suggests that to some extent, sexual activity is a “use it or lose it” issue.

That’s not to say age doesn’t bring its challenges, such as hormonal fluctuations, shifts in desire, body changes, insecurities, and less intense and/or accessible climaxes.

But speaking to HuffPost UK, sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, said she’s noticed eight main differences between people whose sex lives improve as they age and those who notice a decline in that form of pleasure.

If you want to age well, a positive attitude towards getting older seems to help. One study found that people who improved either physically or cognitively after 65 tended to be the ones who took a brighter view of their later years.

Your mindset might matter in the boudoir, too. Roos said: “The people who experience their best sex later in life mainly do so because they go in with the right mindset, and view ageing as an opportunity to develop, be curious [about] what feels great here and now, and to, maybe for the first time, really listen to what YOU want to do.”

Curiosity, acceptance of changes (including altered sex drives and physical needs) and a sense of fun go a long way, the expert added.

The sexologist said that almost everyone’s sexual needs change with age, “and if you carry on as if it’s business as usual, and your partner thinks you’re still into the same stuff, then your sex life will slowly die”.

Luckily, the solution is relatively straightforward: open communication can go a long way, she told us.

“Don’t force each other to try to read one another’s minds, but instead make it easy to talk by creating an atmosphere where it feels natural to be honest without feeling judged.”

On that last point, the expert said that many people need more time to “get going” during this life stage, while others find they need different stimuli to get turned on.

So, those who are flexible and open to adapt have a “way easier time finding new pleasurable ways of getting laid as they age”, she suggested.

You don’t need a so-called “perfect body” to enjoy an active and fulfilling sex life in older age, Roos advised. Medicines, hormone shifts, and changes like arthritis can complicate the picture. 

“I really want to point out that having a lovely sex life isn’t about keeping your body young, but [about understanding] your new and changing needs,” she said.

It’s about being curious and experimenting with ways of being intimate until you find what works.

A healthy diet, exercise, sleep, and socialising can all help, the pro added. And if you’re facing a health issue you feel you can’t deal with yourself and/or is affecting your love life, it can be worth speaking to a doctor about it.

“As we age, most people find that emotional intimacy, trust, and the feeling of being loved become an even more important part of what ‘great sex’ is, and [feeling] seen and appreciated really does wonder for our lust,” Roos stated. 

The sexologist suggested that focusing on your relationship outside of the bedroom can keep things thrilling between the sheets, too.

That said, older people are not a monolith. Some appreciate casual and/or one-off sex, “and you should do whatever you’re into... the important thing is that it feels comfortable for everyone involved and that [you have] respect for each other”, she added.

“Almost all of the older people I meet that say they’re happy and satisfied with their sex life have realised that they must throw performance anxiety and the pressure of having a certain type of sex out the door,” said the sexologist.

Having a very narrow view of intercourse – like seeing it as an exclusively penetrative event that must end in an orgasm – will likely hold you back and can even make you feel “there’s something wrong with you”, she added.

Those who “understand that sex doesn’t need to look a certain way to be great, and who are open to do whatever works and feels right ... are having a way better and more active sex life”, noted the sexologist.

Roos said it’s worth stressing how important the trait is for great sex at any age.

“This doesn’t have to be about advanced experimenting with kinky and hardcore stuff,” she said, highlighting that opening up about a fantasy, having sex in a new place, changing a routine you don’t like anymore, or trying a sex toy is “just as effective”.

The sexologist said factors like our health, stress levels, relationships, and our general life situation play a role in how much time and energy we have to invest in sex.

“Some are more lucky than others when it comes to their circumstances or health, and they therefore have better odds of keeping their sex life interesting and joyful,” she explained.

Still, she ended, “I’ve seen many people with poor circumstances or bad luck have way greater sex than the ones who, on paper, should be having the better sex life, simply because they need to fight a bit for it and don’t take it for granted”.

Keeping a positive mindset, staying curious, communicating well, and staying adaptable can enrich everyone’s sex lives, she ended.