Anytime you need to get out of somewhere fast, pretend you’re about to vomit.

I'm a Senior Staff Writer based in New York City, where I've been covering classic BuzzFeed-style content since 2020.

"Gmail doesn't recognize periods in email addresses, so abc123@gmail.com is the same as a.b.c.1.2.3@gmail.com. You can use this to repeatedly redeem new customer discounts without the bother of opening a new email account."

"I take tons of tours and have even used this exact tactic to get into historical homes that are now wedding venues or event spaces. However, the problem is that the tour they set you up on usually lacks luster in detail about the history and people who lived in the house. The kicker is that most, if not all, the furniture is removed, leaving nothing but a shell and floor space, which is cool from an architectural point of view but otherwise uneventful."

"I kinda did this when I graduated high school. Graduation invites were, like, 100-pack minimum, and we used about 70, so I just snagged ~30 random people out of the phone book (Yes, the giant yellow book) and sent them off.

Rewards were reaped, thank-you cards were sent out."

"Even better yet, set it to airplane mode, send it five times, and the 'Are you getting my texts?' and then quickly switch airplane mode off, and they’ll all come through at the same time."

"Just point up, while looking at the sky as if a large boulder is about to fall on them. They look up, you keep walking."

"I have also found that doing the same thing with rental cars typically results in a jump in upgrades. I ALWAYS book the cheapest car, hand over a bag of candy, and typically get to pick what I ride out in. It's a win/win for you and the usually underappreciated employee.

As far as ethics, I think it skirts the line: You're taking 100% of a surcharge away from a shit company and giving 10% to one of their lowly employees in hopes of earning their good favor. The thing is, they're always gonna let you slide because they work for a shit company, have dealt with real-life trolls all day, and it's just fucking nice for someone to bring you a bag of candy (except those dudes with the vans, don't take their candy).

Just say, 'Hey, I've got a friend in the industry, and she's told me some horror stories about customers. We brought you a treat to brighten your day up a little.' Feel free to swap up words; the biggest thing is to be as genuine as your heart can muster. DO NOT ASK for free shit, you are relying on the social contract of gift giving. Just be pleasant, offer up your candy sacrifice, and hopefully reap some benefits."

"Nah. The hustle here is that you can 'take it to work to fix it' and bring it back a few days later, working — now you're a hero."

Or: "My dad taped over the speakers in my brother's annoying toys."

"Eventually, the items went on sale, but of course, they were 'sold out.' I called Home Depot customer service, and they said they don't price-match items that are sold out, surprise, surprise. When I went to pick up the items, I eventually just went to customer service and said I’d like to have these price-adjusted. If they say no, then you say you want to return the items and rebuy them immediately. I walked out with $800 of animatronics for $200."

"I prefer carrot seeds. It's a passive-aggressive trick we played on each other in Nebraska.

You cast the seeds across the yard, even better if you take a bit of time to press as many as you can a finger deep into the grass. If you got the right carrots, they will have massive weeds that they will not be able to get to go away until they grab really good at the root and are surprised by a whole damn carrot popping out of their yard."

"Or: If you have trouble getting out of a Planet Fitness membership, just lie and say you're in the military and you're getting deployed.

This worked a few years ago when I noticed that Planet Fitness was still charging me $10 a month, as I'd been too lazy to write them a letter or whatever other bullshit they require you to do instead of just being able to cancel online."

Though — "US tax code does not allow using your HSA/FSA account to pay for gym memberships UNLESS you provide a simple Letter of Medical Necessity you can buy online FOR ($15–$30) or get from your PCP free. Google how and where to get this because I don't want to advertise any specific service. This just says something like:

'To manage the diagnosis, the recommended approach includes a fitness studio, fitness app, or gym. Treatment: membership, or personal training to achieve 150 minutes of structured cardio and strength.'

You can then go to gyms like Equinox or Lifetime Fitness or other ritzy gyms wealthy people go to and use a high-rewards credit card to pay the fees, then submit them to your HSA/FSA provider along with the letter to get reimbursed.

I’ve started making friends with other members and have a much better quality of life because I have made rich friends who invite me to rich people's stuff and always pay. The benefits are limitless if you're assertive and likable with these people."

"And protein, daily greens, vitamins, meal replacement, shoes, sleep tracking, bone broth, electrolyte packs, beef, etc., etc., etc."

"You upload the receipts immediately to the HSA portal and mark them as 'reimburse me later.' I have close to $5,000 in uploaded HSA receipts. The HSA money is actually in a Schwab HSA account, making money off the stock market. Made over $1,000 this past year on a precious metals ETF.

If I need money, sell the ETF, transfer funds back to HSA, and tell HSA to send up to $5,000 to my checking account. Good emergency fund with about a day to get the money. Yes, the stock market could tank tomorrow, but it’s highly unlikely that I would need it. I plan to reimburse myself from the HSA when I need money but don’t want to affect my income during retirement prior to Medicare, when I will likely be on a Healthcare Marketplace (Obamacare) plan."

"If you're at a protest or speech and people or the speaker are saying awful stuff that you disagree with? Just boo them. Do your parents start going off on a tangent about an unpopular opinion they have? Just boo them. Someone makes an awkward joke at work, or says something intentionally weird or hurtful? Don't ask them to repeat it. Just boo them. Don't waste your time and energy on people who don't deserve it. Just drown out what they are saying, or annoy them to the point where they are quiet or leave by...booing them. It's really easy."

"It sounds polite, but it forces them to do actual work instead of just tossing shame grenades and walking away. The trick is you don't argue the conclusion, you interrogate the framework. When they say, 'Family comes first,' you go, 'Okay, what does "first" mean in practice, like, what am I required to do, and what am I not required to do?' When they say, 'Respect your elders,' you go, 'Sure, what does respect look like when the elder is being cruel? Is it still respect to let them hurt someone?' If they try to dodge with 'You know what I mean,' you don't let them. 'I honestly don't, can you define it?' Repeat their words back, slightly simplified, and ask if that's what they mean. Make them confirm their own harshness out loud. Most of these people are running on vibes and confidence, not logic. The moment they have to explain it, they either spiral into nonsense or they get mad because the spell breaks. 

And if they get loud, you get softer. 'I'm not trying to fight, I just want to understand what you're asking me to do.' Now they're the ones looking unhinged while you're 'just asking questions.' It's not about winning a debate, it's about draining them until they decide you're too much effort and go bother someone easier."

"One time, I got into an argument with a guy who had a southern US accent. I kept calling him a 'Yankee,' and when he told me he was a southerner, I pretended I thought he meant he was from South America, and kept calling him a commie liberal. There was nothing he could do with that level of dumb.

You've really got to convince them you're that dumb, don't let them realize it's an act. Exude a massive amount of unearned confidence and extreme satisfaction in your own bullshit. This one is the most important."

"My go-to is to speak full gibberish. One to two rounds usually gets 'I can't understand, transferring you to an associate.'"

"Tell them you have new dates already. (This usually helps a lot.) Lastly, NEVER book a non-refundable room more than a week in advance. Something like half of our rooms are canceled that are booked six months in advance, and we have a type of discount with a non-refundable price; if you cancel, no matter the reason, it's lost. NEVER book a price like that, no matter what!!

Edit: Lots of folks say to change the date and then cancel later with no penalty. Be careful, as this doesn't always work (won't work at my hotel). Check if the place you booked at will allow you to before you change the date."

Comments have been edited for length/clarity.