“Opposing counsel: Isn’t it true you hit the victim in the face with a brick? Client: No. Marcus hit him with the brick. I hit him in the back with a piece of wood.”

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Note: The responses have been edited for clarity. 

"The district attorney’s eyes widen, and he informs the judge. The judge has the thief placed under arrest again for possession of stolen property. The thief’s lawyer was dumbfounded. It was a nice end to a rough situation!"

"The COO denied ever having contact with her within the company without multiple other people present (those people said his behavior toward her in the meetings didn't raise any flags). The COO emphatically denied having any contact with her outside of work. The lawyers asked the question a half-dozen different ways, and each time the COO denied any out-of-work contact. 

Later we meet with the woman and her lawyer, with the COO not present. Her lawyer gives us a rather graphic card that came with a bouquet of flowers addressed to her from the COO. The guy had an account with a florist linked to his credit card. When the company-retained lawyers confronted him, he said, "But I never had contact with her. It's not like I delivered the flowers myself."COO got terminated for cause, so no walk-away package. At her request the woman was given PTO until after the acquisition and then moved to another one of the companies under our umbrella."  

"When I called her up after court to confirm, she did, claiming she'd just forgotten to mention it. Now maybe I've lived too much of my life in the South, but that just boggles my mind as a detail you'd forget when hiring a lawyer for that incident. I would have told her in advance that hiring us was a waste of money, not to mention the hassle of taking an eight-hour class, and she should probably just go ahead and pay this one. I legitimately do that all the time during consults; give my honest assessment if the case is even worth doing, and so by omitting that detail, she harmed herself for no reason. At least she took it well and didn't get defensive." 

"It doesn't end there but reveals 1. that he is no longer working; 2. no longer in the apartment, 3. doesn't want to have a relationship with guardians despite her kids loving them, 4. won't send her kids pictures of the toys they miss and can't have; 5. plans on moving out of state 6. thinks they can live as a family off of state aid when she gets them back; AND is four months pregnant. All in the matter of 15 seconds, I was too shocked to even react. Speechless.

Not the image of stability and parental fitness I've been trying to paint since last July. Edit to clarify—the client was working really hard to get everything right and legitimately had everything going for her prior to this hearing. I was not making false representations or trying to get a monster reinstated. This was a true bombshell, as I did my due diligence to make sure things were on the up and up and statutory requirements were met. Things fell apart very fast, apparently. This was a very atypical situation; parents typically do a really good job working hard to meet their requirements." 

"The defense attorney tried to poke holes in the story, but the officers' testimony was remarkably consistent. The officer was fastidious about checking his vehicle. The appearance of the drugs coincided with the defendant's presence in the vehicle. 

Then, as the defense attorney was running out of questions, he threw out THE question: was there anyone else in the backseat of the vehicle? It was a hail mary. Even when there are multiple arrests, police tend not to transport more than one arrestee at a time if they can help it. There was no reason to believe anyone else could have feasibly been in the backseat with the defendant.

Though it's no surprise to you, the defense attorney and prosecutor were stunned when the answer came back as "yes." Turns out, the defendant was with his girlfriend when he was arrested, and the officer courteously agreed to drive her to her apartment before taking her boyfriend to jail. This fact was not included in the police report, the officer never told the prosecutor, and, shockingly, the defendant never told his attorney. There was a palpable pause as this fact sunk in. Since there was another person in the back seat, there was more than enough reasonable doubt.

Proofs were concluded, and the prosecutor threw out a half-hearted closing. The not-guilty verdict was a given. Because of this case, I learned to never assume a fact no matter how obvious it may seem."

"And the defense lawyer said that due to technical difficulties he couldn't get the CCTV tape open on his computer when he was reviewing the evidence. Woman A was found guilty. So yeah, I was completely dumbfounded."

"Another one is a guy claiming a break in and theft. Immediately things weren't adding up as the window was broken out instead of in. The guy submitted polaroids of items he claimed were his, like TVs and such. The thing is, in the polaroids you could see the reflection of the store they were in on the glass. He also claimed numerous CDs/records, but oddly enough, every single one started with an R, S, or T. We're talking 100s of CDs/records. My dad was about to deny the claim in person but noticed he had a gun on the table so decided to do it over the phone. Ready for an escalation? Later this same guy was arrested for beheading a prostitute and throwing her head in the river."

"He ended up requesting a new attorney to be appointed, claiming that we were “ineffective.” To this day my old boss and I reminisce about how difficult this client was when we caught up on the phone."