Divorce can derail your finances in all sorts of ways. Beyond the obvious costs of legal fees and having to split your assets, you may also have expenses you don't think about β€” like having to buy out your spouse's interest in your shared family home.

Let's pretend, for example, that Abigail is getting divorced from Emmett. Abigail wants to keep the house, but she needs $200,000 to buy out Emmett's interest in it.

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She's not sure if she should get a home equity line of credit (which will raise her monthly mortgage payments) or if she should tap her 401(k) to do that.

So, what's Abigail's best move?

Before Abigail makes any move to buy Emmett out, she needs to take the time to consider whether she's really making the best decision.

"One of the first things I encourage clients to do during a divorce is to challenge their assumption that they have to keep the family home," Mary Ware, senior wealth advisor and managing partner of Carnegie Private Wealth, told Moneywise.

"Why do you want to keep it? Is it because it makes sense financially and personally? Or does it feel like something you should do? Sometimes a fresh start in a new home can be healthier emotionally and financially than holding onto the old one," Ware said.

Ware warned that it's important for Abigail not to overextend herself just to keep the home, as she'll now have to cover all of the repairs and unexpected expenses on her own. "Depending on the size of your house, that could cost you $20,000 or more every three years."

Christopher Walsh, a financial advisor at Capital Choice, also agreed that selling the house is something Abigail should seriously think about. "Selling the house might be the cleanest solution because both spouses could just get cash to go start their new lives," he said.

However, he also warned that this could come with costs, including the expenses of staging and selling the property. Plus, since mortgage rates have increased considerably in recent years, buying a new home now could be cost-prohibitive. All these factors must be weighed.

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While committing to another monthly payment by taking out a home equity line of credit (HELOC) may seem frightening to Abigail, the costs of tapping her 401(k) could be higher than she thinks.

"I would always look at taking money out of my 401(k) as a last resort," Domenick D'Andrea, co-founder of DanDarah Wealth Management, told Moneywise. "You'll incur taxes and potentially a 10% penalty. So, if you need, say, $200,000 as the buyout amount, you probably need to take out around $250,000 to cover the taxes and potential penalties."

Walsh also warned about the huge costs of a withdrawal, pointing out that Abigail will also be switching her tax filing status to single, so a big 401(k) distribution could push her into a higher tax bracket, raising the costs of the withdrawal even more on top of the penalty.

And both D'Andrea and Walsh pointed out that Abigail wouldn't just take a one-time hit. She'd lose all the potential gains she could have made on the withdrawn funds. That could be millions and, as D'Andrea said, it "could be the difference between retiring at your desired age or having to work a few years more."

"When a client is scared of the higher HELOC payment, I tally up what it's going to cost them to make up the 401(k) route in savings instead," Walsh said.

He explained that if Abigail is 45 and withdraws $77,000 extra to cover taxes and penalties, that alone is the equivalent of losing around $431,000 in future wealth (assuming a 9% return and retirement at 65). "She'd need to invest about $650 a month to make up that gap if she wants the same type of retirement."

D'Andrea suggested that if she's worried about affording the new payment, she could always take the HELOC and pause new 401(k) contributions until she gets used to the new bills. That's still impacting her retirement, but less severely than a big lump sum withdrawal.

Finally, both D'Andrea and Walsh suggested that Abigail explore other options, including giving her husband a larger share of the couple's shared retirement account when they divide up the property in divorce in exchange for him giving up his ownership stake in the house.

All of these approaches could potentially work, but Ware stresses the importance of doing the math on each option. "Run the numbers carefully and make sure the choice supports not only keeping the house, but also your long-term financial security. A financial advisor, particularly one who is also a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), can help you with the numbers."

And, as Ware said, Abigail absolutely must keep one fact in mind through it all: "Your home should provide security, not financial stress. Remember, a house is a house. You can create a home anywhere."

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This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: Tapping into your 401(k) to buy out your home during a divorce could cost you long term. Here's what expert advise

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