“I had a tenant remove the kitchen island and move it outside by the pool because they needed an outdoor serving area.”

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"Turns out, they'd never heard of him. After a little digging, I found out they'd both been arrested for selling coke. The officer even showed me mugshots dating back to the early '80s! They also stole the refrigerator."

"She tried to claim I'd said things I hadn't, but those messages saved my ass. Luckily, they were eventually kicked out, and the house suffered very little damage."

"They'd also been smoking despite the no-smoking policy, and the house stank of stale cigarettes. 

Agreed to let them out of the tenancy and put the house back on the market. It cost thousands to get the place back into shape, including installing a new front door, redecorating, and replacing all the carpets. The house was just about ready to advertise when we got a call from the neighbor. There had been a disturbance the night before, and he'd had to call the police. It turned out that after being released from custody and being unable to get back together with his girlfriend, the young man had broken back into the property a couple of days earlier to squat there. He then had a visit from his supplier, whom he owed a lot of money to. The supplier ended up stabbing him, and he almost bled to death on the brand-new cream carpets."

"I explained that the ticket had been issued by the city, that we had absolutely nothing to do with it, and that his request was absurd. People will ask for reimbursement for the stupidest things."

"Now, I have a big-boy job. I wake up at 4:45 a.m. to go to work, which means I expect quiet hours to start at 10 p.m. But Brayden would come home from bartending at 2 a.m., hammered drunk, with several friends in tow, blasting music and arguing about politics. 

On more than one occasion, I had to pick up broken glass bottles from my lawn after his girlfriend got pissed off and threw them. The final straw was when he threw a party on a Monday night, left my door open, and both my cats escaped. My wallet had been rifled through, and he'd jizzed on my ottoman. I broke up the party with an (unloaded) shotgun.

I told him he could have his rent comped if he just moved out without me having to go to court to get eviction papers drawn up. Jizz never really comes out."

"Okay, whatever, but if you're going to have a roommate, you've got to tell us, Kevin, so we can put him on the lease. 

Long story short, Kevin stayed silent, and a few days later, we came by to serve him papers and begin the eviction process. That's when we discovered that Kevin's unnamed roommate was a rapist who was out on parole. Great, right? The condo was directly across the street from a school, and it turned out Kevin was violating sex offender legislation. 

Thank God he left without much of a fight, and we were able to sell the condo for a modest profit."

"So, we had a colony of semi-domesticated rats, old food scattered everywhere, and, yes, her two children living in the middle of all this. 

She would somehow manage to set the stove on fire at least once every other week, frequently had "family" stay longer than the lease allowed (including drunk and high people passed out on the lawn), and apparently decided she could sublet my garage to other people to help cover the rent. It took me about eight months and thousands of dollars in legal fees to get her out. After that, I had to spend another thousand-plus dollars on professional cleaning. 

The worst part? She was my friend when all of this started."

"Today, I came home to find a passive-aggressive note complaining about us leaving the fan on in our room. She proceeded to scream at me and tried her hardest to turn my girlfriend against me, telling me she wanted to leave me and blah, blah, blah. Every time I proved her wrong, she changed the subject so she could keep yelling. She eventually threw my Xbox onto the floor and threatened me with violence if I moved her stuff out of her room when she left."

"I immediately grabbed it to mute the TV, but moments later, guess what? Our home phone started ringing at one in the fucking morning. The mother had called to complain about the loud noise she'd just heard, even though it lasted less than a second. This kind of thing happened all the time, and when their lease ended, they moved out. We rented the unit to another family and never heard any further noise complaints. Good fucking riddance."

"He climbed up to the makeshift second floor and found dozens of towel "beds," clothes, including children's clothing, and other belongings. The police suspected that the landlord was trafficking Chinese people and that this was where they had been living. There were also two large pots of broth, which, when emptied, revealed two dog corpses."

"He said, "Please have her arrested. She is off her meds, and her mother was the Devil yesterday, and I was the Devil this morning." I explained that he was off the hook because I was now the Devil, and then I called the cops. 

They had to fight to get her into the car, even after handcuffing her."

"I paid for garbage collection, so all they had to do was take the trash to the curb! Instead, I had to clean up two years' worth of garbage, dirty diapers, food scraps, and everything else. The whole thing was crawling with rats, mice, roaches, and various other beasties. OMG!"