“Okay so do NOT tell your two year old that there is a skeleton inside of them”

My 8yo asked why the neighbors have Halloween decorations up when it's not even October yet, and I didn't know he was on the HOA

Okay so do NOT tell your two year old that there is a skeleton inside of them

4yo learned the idiom “now we’re talkin” and suggested instead it be “now we’re poopin” and I agree

My son had a complete meltdown at the pumpkin patch because I wouldn’t let him carry a 14 lb pumpkin. You are a year old in a couple weeks. Please be realistic about your current skill set

i just got hit on at 37 weeks pregnant! in a very polite and charming way! honestly i wish the best for that guy and hope he finds the single pregnant woman of his dreams

Sorry your kid is trying not to miss too much school. Their doctor only works Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and the last appointment of the day is at 2 PM.

My 5 year old daughter said if I ever became a werewolf she would still love me. She said she’d brush my fur, brush my teeth, feed me meat, and let me howl at the moon. I don’t know what I did to deserve this child but apparently I have secured lifelong werewolf hospice care.

my kids (4F, 2F) have unionized and refuse to drink anything except spindrift mixed 50-50 with whole milk, a cocktail they call "mouth soap"

My child just handed me a Walmart Christmas catalog with his options circled???? It’s September? I don’t even know where he got this catalog from???????????

My kids woke up early and made me and my husband a pancake breakfast When they learn to make coffee my life will be complete

My 3yo: mommy I can’t sleep.Me: it’s only been a little while, give it some time.3yo: maybe I should close my eyes.Me: …..maybe.