“They would go straight to bed after a gym session because it was ’clean sweat’...”

"She was absolutely furious with me when she found out I had gone swimming because she thought I would drown the baby. No amount of explaining the placenta, umbilical cord and amniotic fluid would sink in.

Later on, my shirt crept up a little bit and she was able to see my belly button and noticed it was ‘still closed’ and asked what I needed to do to get it open. She thought the umbilical cord was like a tube that attached the baby to the mother's belly button and you had to feed the baby through that tube.

She is genuinely the dumbest person I know.”

"Mosquitoes can't get to us because we live on the second floor (next to a body of pretty stagnant water).

The pest control guys should only spray the stairs to keep our yearly ants out.

We need to keep the windows and doors closed to keep the yearly ants (that are clearly coming up through the floor) out.

Throws out functioning ceramic bowls she doesn't want to clean.

Throws out brand-new food gadgets because ‘it didn't come with instructions’ (it did) (and also is literally one step).

Does not know a vacuum needs to be cleaned sometimes; throws them out as soon as the suction gets low.

Bought a rubbish bin with some extra parts for holding the bin bag down. Learned and forgot how to use them multiple times over the course of six months. Threw the rubbish bin out without a replacement, started piling her rubbish on the counter instead.

Throws stuff out as soon as she doesn't want it any more, but does not know what does and doesn't belong to her, so has thrown my stuff out on more than one occasion.

Insists her cat gets cranky if she doesn't get to listen to her lo-fi at least a couple of hours a day. Cat spends most of the day sleeping in a room other than the one playing the lo-fi.

Breaks a waste disposal at least once a year by throwing her coffee grounds in the sink every day. Has repeatedly been told that's what causes it. Continues to do it.

Claims that organising is ‘triggering’ to the point that even if I organise something, she personally becomes entropic and cannot maintain it.

Cannot tell you where she put something she took out of the dishwasher less than five minutes ago. Does not put anything back in the same place twice in a row.

Puts away visibly dirty dishes. Claims to have previously been a Navy dishwasher.

She's 40 years old and has been living independently for at least 10 years off of mostly packaged dinners and chicken nuggets. I tell my family she's the perfect demonstration of evolution: she's not actually good; she's just not bad enough to die young.”

"He also thought his mum couldn't evict him because squatters' rights legally let him stay in her house, so going to court would be illegal.

"We found containers of half-eaten food, bottles full of dip spit, even bottles of what looked like urine crammed under his bunk against the wall. We were in barracks with a bathroom and rubbish chute not 50 feet away. Some people are just fucking lazy and make it everyone else's problem.”

"He claimed he knew multiple women who didn’t need pads or tampons because they’d been ‘toilet-trained’ and would hold it. (I assume these women were either on birth control that stops periods or post-menopausal, if they existed at all.) He said my co-worker was just lazy, unhygienic and that her parents had failed to potty-train her when she was a toddler. (Which is, apparently, an age at which he thinks menstruation takes place.)

I also told him that that isn’t how menstruation works. He told me, ‘You’re not a woman, so you don’t know.’ I asked how he knows then, and he was like, ‘I’ve had a lot of girlfriends!’ A claim which I still find rather dubious.”

Additional thumbnail credits: Daniel Lozano Gonzalez / Getty Images, Channel 4, NBC

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