“Really need something that requires the most obscure button battery. Please be sure the battery is not included.”

I'm an NYC-based Viral Resident Writer covering what people are talking about online, from the culturally revealing to the deeply personal to the genuinely unhinged.

—honneemakesthings"To make a return you gotta show up in person, with two forms of ID and a notarized affidavit, when the general manager is in. He comes in about 6 hours a week but nobody knows when."

"And a fruit cup that you can’t open without spilling juice everywhere please"

"Grab me one of these except in shampoo. Naked, damp, trapped in a tiny plastic room, and filled with the hatred of 1,000 suns is my ideal state of being."

"I prefer the toaster where it comes out under done. But if you turn the dial one number up its black as coal."

"And don't forget to ask for zucchini so you'll actually get cucumber"