“She was eventually found in the gent’s, getting it on with the best man, who was also the groom’s identical twin.”

"It was awful. She was just sobbing, 'Mike's not here! He didn't come! I did all this for him!' Fortunately, the groom was partying with the guests, so a small circle of friends enclosed the bride and said, 'Oh, she's just tired,' a lot.

The marriage limped on for four years, including having a baby. When they split up, Mike left his wife to shack up with the bride. That lasted about three weeks, and Mike begged his wife's forgiveness and went home.

(Mike was her boss at work throughout all this, which made matters even more awkward.)"

"The father of the bride had kept their suitcases, airline tickets and passports in his car, as he was going to drive them to the airport afterwards.

Only, he parked it in a dodgy area near the church, the car got broken into, and their suitcases, airline tickets and passports were all stolen.

They couldn't tell the happy couple until the end of the night, as they didn't want to ruin the rest of their big day."

"Inspired by the Friends episode, the best man had been winding him up all day, saying, 'Make sure you say the right name.'

He was nervous and got in his own head and uno-reversed at the wrong time.

The air went out of the room. It was amazing."

"Later on in the night, the groom was talking to him at the bar, right in front of me, and the guy planted an absolutely perfect headbutt right on the groom's nose, then legged it.

I never saw that guy again, but the groom spent the rest of the night nursing a splattered nose on a chair in the corner, with people fussing around him. He didn't go off in an ambulance for some reason, but he definitely should have."

"Family pile in and pull them apart – of course, neither could leave it alone. The vows actually take place, but directly after, the groom takes the best man outside, lays him out in the car park and then drives over him with his car (whilst he's unconscious). He also tries to reverse over him.

Emergency services are called – the best man is in a bad way. Groom arrested, and the rest of the family start fighting the police, whilst the ambulance crew are trying to save the best man. Ends in multiple arrests.

"The bride's mum was pissed off and got into a fight with the bride's sister, who punched her in the face in front of everyone. The bride comes back and all seems OK, then she gets caught in a hotel room shagging the best man. They are no longer married, you'll be shocked to hear."

"We had the (very awkward) reception anyway. The couple got married a few months later in a small registry office ceremony with just them and a couple of witnesses.

I later found out the reason for the objection was that the bride and groom were double cousins and step-siblings. Presumably, the registrar had to go away and do some research to work out if they were too closely related to get married."

"I had the father of the groom on my speech sheet. He made a heartfelt and funny speech about his son and welcoming his new daughter-in-law to the family. Standard stuff.

The mother of the groom was not on the sheet. But she was so incensed by her ex-husband having had a moment in the spotlight, she sent her sister over to me to DEMAND that she also get a chance to make a speech. Unplanned, unscripted, several glasses of champagne and wine deep. This went as well as you could imagine.

The groom is an ex-model (handsome chap). She started off by saying how hot he looked shirtless. This devolved into her saying she preferred the groom's ex-girlfriend and talking at length about her hatred for her ex-husband's new partner (he didn't cheat; she wasn't at the wedding to try and avoid such a situation).

By the time I got the mic back after her ramblings, the bride was in tears, half the room had realised the mother had a strong Jocasta complex, and the father was bright red and about to burst.

"He pretended it was all a joke, went through with the ceremony, and as the vicar reached the big moment, both he and the bride were crying. They got in the bridal car, then she jumped out, in floods of tears, saying he was horrible. Apparently, he'd told her to cheer up; they were 'over the hump'. I think they got the marriage annulled."