“His lawyers said he was unable to afford the airfare from LA. My friend’s lawyer hired a PI, who took pictures of him drinking in Maui with his new girlfriend.”

I'm a Senior Staff Writer based in New York City, where I've been covering classic BuzzFeed-style content since 2020.

"I was just watching my retainer fee drain away, and at some point I became suspicious that this is exactly what he was trying to do, until finally he said it out loud and word for word one day as we were walking out of my lawyer's office. He was dragging it out until I couldn't afford representation. I was in tears when I walked into my lawyer's office and told her this while feeling completely helpless.

At this point, she cackled (literally) and told me to let him. Turns out the two years he spent pushing papers around the table meant that in less than two months, we would have been married 10 years, which meant that I was entitled to half of his pension.She declared that we were done with negotiations and scheduled a formal court date for a week after our 10-year anniversary. Not only did she ensure that I got far more than anything I originally offered, but she also got the judge to make him pay all of my legal fees. The look on his face when he found out about the pension and realized he did it to himself was priceless."

"He told her that was it, he was done, and she had three months to get herself and the kids into an apartment because he was leaving her for the new girlfriend, who happened to be a 22ish-year-old stripper with a fun cocaine habit.

We negotiated to keep her in the house pending the end of the school year. Still, reality was hitting, and even with alimony and child support, the kids and her lifestyle were about to undergo a huge adjustment. It wasn't like she had a career or a degree to fall back on.

Parties were going to sign the stipulated judgment and file it on Monday. That Saturday, he and his girlfriend are in a single-vehicle car crash. The toxicology report showed he had a whole pharmacy in his system, and his girlfriend ended up serving some time for the cocaine the police found on her.

He died intestate, which means she, as his wife and the mother of his children, got everything, no question. Plus, he hadn't bothered to change the beneficiaries on any of his accounts, so she got all those non-probatable assets and insurance policies, which, as VP, he had lots of. And because he died before the kids were 18, there were immediate Social Security payments for them.

I can't say I'm happy the kids lost their father, but it was pretty much the best-case scenario for all of them: mom owns the house, kids have college paid, no lifestyle changes for the family, and no more abusive asshole and his drugs and nonsense."

"It made the parents realize they were being dumb and that they did not actually want to lose their children. After a half-hour recess, they had a full custody agreement. The judge was pretty proud about his little ruse, but poor kids."

'Alright, Mr. Smith. What are your children's shoe sizes? Who is their pediatrician? What are their favorite subjects in school?'

And the husband just kinda stumbled and tried to claim the then-middle-school daughter didn't have a favorite subject, to which the mother replied:

"[Daughter]'s favorite subject is photography. It's all she talks about. She walks around all day with a camera around her neck. She's currently at a photography summer camp that you had to sign a permission slip for."

The husband was furious and called her a 'fucking bitch' in the courtroom, and the judge absolutely upbraided him.

The judge assigned sister 80% custody and a *hefty* child support and alimony.

He tried tons of shenanigans, including filing to get payments reduced, saying he'd been unemployed, and it got so bad that eventually his mom provided documentation to the court that he was lying and making more than a quarter million dollars a year.

My sister's doing fine; just finished her DNP, and one kid just graduated from college, and the other is doing well."

"In the end, she has majority custody because he has to work more, so he pays her child support and alimony."

"The judge not only gave him nothing of mine, but made him partially responsible for my student loans. He was so fucking pissed, he couldn't see straight.

Last I heard, he'd cashed out half of his retirement to move out of state because they were starting to garnish his wages for non-payment on my loans. Sometimes, the greedy lose."

"The mom then tried to file for divorce to get half his assets, claiming the previous divorce was not 'real.' It was a wild time for my friend, as he and his sister realized their mom had this terrible side. His grandparents (mom's parents), his sister, and he had to have a few interventions with her to stop her bullshit, as she was willing to go all the way with it. The case got tossed because there was paperwork, and everything had been done legally. It changed how they viewed both parents, and my friend and his sister are much closer to the dad."

"When the judge learned of this, she had US Marshals arrest him in Maui and drag him back to NY, where she sentenced him to a year in jail with a hefty fine, and said she was referring his lawyers to the bar association. The lawyers had a sidebar in which the judge said she'd drop the sentence and referral if they settled the case in three days. My friend got everything she wanted in terms of money and property, and a three-hour meeting alone with the stepdaughter. The ex begged her to back up his lies about her not wanting to see the girl, and claim she had since changed her mind. She said that if he did not come clean to his daughter, there would be no settlement. So he did, and she still sees the daughter (now in her 30s) regularly and went to her wedding."

"His ex claimed he was physically abusive, among other untrue things. Both he and she were pretty poor, so she qualified for a free legal aid lawyer. He went a different route. He somehow found a pretty high-powered bulldog of an attorney to take his case almost pro bono (I think he paid her a ridiculous retainer fee of $250ish). Did I mention she was the attorney for a professional sports team in the state?

When she heard the details of his case, she was big mad on his behalf and told him she was going to get his kids back for him. This kicked off a years-long battle that was super nasty. In the end, she lost custody of not just their kids, but also her son from a previous relationship; my husband got custody of his stepchild instead. She also ended up tens of thousands in arrears for child support, which she didn't finish paying off until the last child was well past the age of 18. Oh, and she ended up divorced from the guy who kicked off all this nonsense."

"The judge tore him a new one. He awarded way more child support than she had expected, plus alimony, plus changed his health insurance to include the kids, plus his car because she didn't have one and was Ubering to everything, plus the house, as they were living in an apartment while he and his affair partner kept the house. His partner left him. His job hated him and managed him out. His family drifted away. He once told me, drunk, that she had ruined his life. Despite everything, he couldn't see that he ruined it all on his own."

"She married the wealthy guy the weekend after the divorce was final. Kids did not attend. My friend was still heartbroken, and his brothers and his dad took him to the horse track/casino, and each gave him like 20 bucks to bet on the races because he was broke. He won like 1200 and gave them all their money back. As they were leaving, walking past the slots, his dad said he should make a few spins on that $5 line machine because 'you got to play big to win big,' so he laughed and on the third spin, won eight million.

She took him back to court, wanting custody, with the same judge. Before the lawyers could even open their briefcases, he looked at her and said, 'Three months ago, you wanted nothing to do with the kids, and they wanted nothing to do with you. The only change I see now is that your ex-husband has six zeros on his bank statement instead of three. I am not going to force two teenagers to live with you, madam. You have child support due at the end of the month, every month till they are 21. Do not force the state to collect it, you might chip one of them fancy nails on the bunk down at the sheriff's office.'

She tried again later when he moved to a new jurisdiction, and the new judge looked at her payments and earnings and raised her to the max allowed. She never tried again, and the kids haven't spoken to her in 15 years. The last I know of was at her father's funeral."

"The whole dinner was off. He practically ran to the car. Then his phone started blowing up. He insisted that he had to go to work because there was an emergency.

I took the next day off to talk because I knew something was wrong. In the morning, he told me he wanted a divorce and handed me a spreadsheet stating he was willing to pay me $500 a month. He said I would take the youngest, and he would take the oldest (who was almost 18 at the time), so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He would keep the house and cars, and he would graciously give me half of the savings (which was practically gone). Basically, he wanted to kick me and our youngest out and give me $500 a month, and that was it. I left that night to stay with a friend. I cried, and then I got mad. 

The next day I returned, and I told him I agreed to divorce, but not on his terms. I wrote up a separation agreement. He would leave the house, we would split the savings, and I would keep both kids. I reminded him that no judge on earth was going to let him have custody because he'd been found guilty of child abuse of a vulnerable child years earlier, after admitting to hitting our son when I was not home. He agreed, and I told him to file the divorce paperwork. But he had never done any of the paperwork when we were married. I took care of everything in his life. So he asked me to fill them out, and he would file them.

Fast forward to the divorce day, and the judge asked if we were still in agreement on what we filed. We both said yes. Now my ex had filed the paperwork, but he didn’t read it AT ALL. He just assumed that I would continue to give him everything. He was SHOCKED when he got the final decree, and I got EVERYTHING. He left with the shirt on his back, a dresser, and his car. I got everything else. He also had to pay off all the marital debts because I had been the provider for the majority of the marriage, but now he made twice as much as I did. He also had to pay alimony for 10 years and child support. On top of that, I got full custody of both kids, and he had visitation at my discretion.

Turns out he was cheating on me with one of his employees for years. She is half his age. He now lives in a crummy apartment with her. She is awful, and he is miserable. I had to buy him an air conditioner for when the kids visited. 

In the end, the trash took itself out. I am happily remarried to an amazing man who loves my kids like his own."

"My friend told me he had rarely seen a judge so furious that she was barely able to control her rage. Needless to say, the cheating wife got smoked and ended up losing custody and had to pay the husband alimony; he got the house, too. I'm not sure, but I believe the wife even got into trouble with the justice department for false accusations."

"Long story short, things happened, he called the cops, and he ended up getting arrested (he's a cop himself, lol).

I'm guessing he realized that there was the possibility of child support, because ALL OF A SUDDEN, he was interested in our child and wanted full custody. And he tried every trick in the book. He filed for temporary emergency custody and lied to the judge to get it. He insisted that I was unstable and required a psych evaluation before I was able to see our child unsupervised, and once I was cleared, he dictated when I could have the baby. I suspect the lawyers I'd gotten knew him, because they definitely weren't fighting for me, and even gave me the wrong time for court one day when I'd called the office to double check. I switched lawyers, but he still pulled crap. He'd taken my address book and called all of my friends, family, and coworkers, telling them that I committed various types of fraud and was stealing their identities. Friends were followed and threatened. I'd moved in with other friends until I got my own place, and they were the ones who told me he had a PI on me — I'd gone to spend the weekend with another friend, and the PI called the ones I was staying with, asking where I was. SO MUCH MORE I won't get into. He did everything he could to try to prove that I was unfit, and to break me, and made my life an absolute hell. He and his lawyer dragged things out to where this ended up taking two and a half years; his goal was to make me run out of money.

The karma: I was awarded custody; he was given the basic visitation. He was ordered to pay $14K of my legal fees, for which he was to set up a payment plan with my attorney, until I saw a 'For Sale' sign in his window, literally a week later. A lien was placed on his condo, and the full amount came out of the sale, as well as the two years of retroactive child support that I'd been awarded. In our state, support continues until the child finishes college, so that was an additional 19 years.

The best part: at least a couple of times a year, I run into a friend of his, and they are very happy to share information with me. Early on, he'd gotten into a relationship (with a former friend of mine, no less, who tried to help him take my baby), and they *really* pushed the relationship during the court case to show that he was 'more stable.' I've been told that she is awful, he hates her, is absolutely MIS-ER-ABLE, and wants to divorce her but can't because then he'd have to give her half, and he will not do that. Meanwhile, I have a great life and am as happy as a clam."

"She got a protective order and went to a domestic violence organization, painting him as the worst person alive. We went to mediation. She only wanted him to have supervised visitation until the kid was 18, and she wanted double child support. So dumb. We even offered reduced custody and some supervision initially to appease her. Extra child support (not double but a bit more). No dice. All or nothing with this woman.

After four full trial afternoons (we were scheduled for four-hour blocks at a time and had to come back week after week), endless testimony, and going through their asinine text messages...my client got expanded visitation, minimum child support (he earned very little), and the protective order was even dissolved. The judge chewed her out.

"Finally, the mom married a convicted sex offender. It was a disaster for her case. Instantly reduced to visitation only until the GAL could investigate. She responded to the sudden, drastic cut in custody that the guardian instituted by going ape shit. An avalanche of third-party abuse claims, one of which culminated in a fucking genital exam, which the court flipped its shit about.

Now Mom has no custody and a couple of supervised visits per week. She told someone she hopes I burn in hell. She stiffed me like 5k. My POS boss made me work on the case for a month for free because she was friends with the sex offender"

"The other wild part of the story is that he got a vasectomy about two weeks before their wedding without really telling her."

"The judge decided I should get the children. And she could have supervised visits for six months and continued drug testing. Revisit the issue in six months.

She never visited once, until the oldest graduated from high school. We divorced when the oldest was six."

He lost his fucking mind and went completely radio silent for six weeks. Missed two of the kids' birthdays and didn't show up to scheduled hearings. Finally, he sent me a long message filled with wild ramblings and implied threats. I sent it to my lawyer and the guardian ad litem; they called an emergency hearing and served him with a notice to appear. He didn't show up for that either, and the judge suspended his placement entirely. It has been three years, and he hasn't done anything to fulfill the requirements to get placement back, so I have full custody, and the kids don't have to see him at all. He just shot himself in the foot at every turn."

"The judge heard testimony and accepted evidence over two court dates. I provide extensive records and evidence. Also, I just happened to have lost my job in finance in the 2008 US economic downturn; that was in evidence as well. The judge said that his ruling would be received by the parties involved and their attorneys.

Two weeks later, I got the judgment — no additional funds would be awarded to my ex for child support.

Additionally, as I was now unemployed for over six months, and it did not seem that a job that I was qualified for would be available in the near future that my child support would be reduced to the minimum as required by law, $25 monthly.

I would have given my right arm to be a fly on the wall when my ex and her parents read the decision of the court."

"Me: 'So you told the daycare not to talk to Mom, right?'

Me: 'That wasn't a good co-parenting decision, was it?'

Me: 'So if you're awarded the right to designate the primary residence of the children, you'll continue to exclude Mom from information about the children's daycare?'

Dad: 'If she can't cooperate with me, yes.'

Dad actually cried when Mom got the right to designate the primary residence of the children."

Note: Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.