“My client waited until he was in front of the hearing officer to argue that he wasn’t in possession of the firearm because he had stuffed it between the couch cushions.”

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"The defendant’s lawyer looked like the angriest person I’ve ever seen in my life. The judge stopped speaking for a second. He then said, 'Tell your defendant that he should keep his mouth shut in my courtroom, please. Also tell him that he just cost himself a whole pile of money because if he had not said anything, he was gonna walk out of here in five minutes.' The defendant's lawyer walked out of the courtroom and slammed the door like it was a TV show. The defendant looked very confused."

"The jury returned a not guilty verdict for impaired driving. I was bewildered. I talked to the jury afterwards, and those mouth breathers were impressed with how well the defendant controlled his Corvette, going 100 mph in a residential zone and running a stop sign. I pointed out the uncontested scientific testimony on impairment at that BAC, and one guy said, 'Yeah, but he didn’t hit any parked cars for so many blocks!' I lost all respect for juries after that. They really are idiots who are too daft to avoid jury service, and shouldn’t be allowed to decide what’s for lunch."

"Officer: 'I don’t know. I don’t remember.' Defense: 'This would have been a significant fact to include in your notes. This shows that your notes are unreliable.' Judge: 'OK, not guilty.' Afterward, the defense attorney (I was his intern) and the prosecutor had a coffee together, where he basically said, 'My client definitely did it, but the officer should have taken better notes.' The prosecutor agreed."

Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.