All of these people deserve hazard pay...a lot of it.

I'm an Editorial Director at BuzzFeed who covers the internet’s funniest photos and jokes, weird human history, movie facts, and more.

Warning: If you don't like to read about gross stuff — especially, ahem, scatological things — this post might not be the one for you, hun. 

"I was unimpressed and did not engage with them. They took the rejection out on the hotel. They smeared feces in their rooms and the halls. They had one of their crew use the only elevator as his personal toilet. They also had one of their groupies bring me a freshly used condom and try to keep a straight face while she told me she found it in her room. 

That was the last straw. I called the GM, told her everything that was happening, and threatened to quit. She told me to go home and gave me two weeks off with pay. What she did not do was call the cops. SMH."

"One day, at the typical time, I knocked on his room's door for the appropriate amount of time. No answer. I unlocked the door (that was not chained on the interior) and called in with the customary 'Anyone here? I'm here to clean your room!' No answer. I fully opened the door and entered to see his bare bum just going at it with who knows who. Shocking to a pretty sheltered 14-year-old. I told my friends who worked with me, and we giggled. I also informed them that his bum was so hairy. That solved the mystery of the hairy room."

"The weirdest part? They covered up ALL the windows with garbage bags so it was really dark. They didn’t do that because of the paparazzi (they had an unobstructed view, and no one could see it). I told the owners. We decided to be discreet about it. You would never imagine these people were like this."

"When I worked in San Francisco, my hotel was atrium style, and a guest got into an altercation with a friend and was pushed from the ninth floor. I walked in for my 6 a.m. shift to police everywhere, not knowing what was going on, and rounded the corner to a body on the floor.

Another time, I worked at a resort, and a guest was making fake IDs in the room. We ended up calling the cops on him, and he jumped from the second story to run away from the cops. Ten years in hotels, and I still have yet to see it all."

"It finally hit me that this man just asked me NOT to come into the room. I was only 16 and a very innocent 16-year-old at that, so I instantly started panicking. I decided the best thing to do would be to go into the bathroom, swap out the towels and leave. I stepped into the bathroom and realized it was COVERED in pee. I'm talking pee on every visible surface, including the mirror. It was VERY yellow and smelled horrific. I do not understand how they got so much pee over so much surface area.

I left the towels in the bathroom and got my manager, who went back to the room with our maintenance man and me in tow. I can't recall the conversation between my boss and the gentleman, but I know the cops were called. When the cops arrived, they knocked on the door many times, but to no avail. They yelled to the people inside that they needed to open the door or the cops would break it down. Our maintenance man screamed, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT!' He told the cops they were not breaking anything and that we could easily get them into a hotel room at OUR hotel, LOL.

By the time they got into the room everyone had fled through the window (we were on the first floor) except for one woman who was passed out and unconscious on the bed from the drugs."

"About four months later, to my surprise, I saw a magazine with images of the models, obviously taken near the hotel. They looked like beautiful, mysterious angels.

"Obviously, the pool had to be shut down immediately and treated with chlorine. The mother and child were very upset. Fortunately, our company owned the other hotel on this corner, and we were able to offer them the opportunity to utilize that facility. It was not a perfect solution, but an appreciated attempt nonetheless."

"I informed him that no one had approached me about him. He then pointed to a very quiet woman sitting on the far side of the lobby — who had not come anywhere near the desk.

I started to apologize and attempt to explain. As soon as I opened my mouth, the guest reached across the desk and grabbed my tie in an attempt to pull me over the four-foot-high front desk. He was screaming profanities, the tie was tightening around my neck, and the other staff could not break his grip. I was having problems breathing and feeling lightheaded — but I did have enough breath to croak out: 'Sir, you have three seconds to take your hands off my tie and step backward, or I will call the fucking cops and get you arrested for assault.' He let go and stood there, staring at me. I told him to get away from the desk immediately and either go to his room or step outdoors. He ran to his wife, who had sat there doing nothing, and asked HER if she was okay! 

In retrospect, I think he was most likely an abuser based on his behavior with me and her and her odd affect. He later attempted to apologize and tip me at checkout. I declined the tip and simply told him to go to anger management classes. Scary."

"Finally, I asked the gentleman if they had been drinking earlier, and he said yes, they'd had 'a couple.' I headed back to the bar and decided to look throughout the lounge. Much to my surprise, I saw two legs sticking out from underneath the cigarette machine (they still had those in the mid-'90s). Somehow, she had wedged herself between the back of the machine and the wall and passed out, sliding down to where her feet stuck out from under the machine. Their definition of 'a couple' and ours was obviously different. Bizarre crisis averted!"

"Security was called to Daddy F.'s and Mommy F.'s room multiple times for domestic violence. Police were also called to the hotel for domestic violence between the newly wedded husband and wife.

Mr. Fletcher told a pizza boy, 'Jizz on the pizza before you bring it to my wife, would ya?'

On their final day before heading back to England, Daddy F. and Mommy F. got into the biggest fight yet. Mommy F. decided to leave Daddy F. at the hotel drunk while she went to the airport with Family F. Daddy F. missed his flight; Mommy F. told him not to return to their marital home upon his return to England. Daddy F. then did the worst thing yet. Are you ready? In a drunken rage, he smeared his own fecal matter all over his hotel room. I'm unsure what happened after this, but I think I've already said enough."

"I called in my manager and refused to clean the room. He understood as I'd only been there for a week or two by then. He called a few people, and they cleaned it. 

I later asked him what that was all about. He didn't know. But we came to the conclusion that they were filming some type of odd poop fetish video. Their bill showed that they ordered a lot of food the night before and with the fancy cameras, and girls who could pass as pornstars who hadn't left their room much their entire stay, it was pretty clear what had happened."

"So I enter the restroom as the people making the accusations stand outside the bathroom door. I see someone in a stall and knock on the door.

This went on for a few minutes. Me banging on the stall door, and this poor man just trying to take a peaceful poop. It turned out he was just with the bowling party and had zero clue about the courtyard pool drama. Someone eventually burst in and screamed at me that the lurker was in the parking lot and heading back to the front door. 

I followed them outside where they pointed him out as he walked toward the lobby doors. At this point, I already felt humiliated due to my interrogating a man while he was taking a dump. Now, I had to enter into a completely different confrontation with a person who could be a pedophile predator...or just another innocent person minding his own business.

I stopped him and asked if he was staying at the hotel. He had a strange look in his eyes. He was sweaty, looked like he lived in a basement, and was extremely nervous. He did not respond. He just tried to outmaneuver me. I blocked him and asked him what his business was at the hotel. He kept trying to pass me, and I kept blocking him. I had guests watching from the bowling party the whole time this happened, making the situation more tense. Finally, I told him I was going to contact the police, and he bolted through the parking lot.

I never got the full story of what actually took place by the pool, but that was the weirdest 10 minutes I spent working at a hotel."

"An ID badge was nearby, and it was for the executive producer of a production team doing a shoot nearby. They had 75 rooms booked, and I got stuck cleaning the top executive's room. I called my boss after seeing the sex toy set up in the bedroom. I said, 'I don't think I'm supposed to be here!' and sent her some photos. She then yelled at me for being in a room with a 'do not disturb' tag. I came to find out later that the executive had come up to his room, and when he saw my cart out front, he ran to the front desk, raising hell. I freaking hated that job."

"My presence was requested at the room. I knocked hard and, in a loud voice, asked if everyone was okay and if anyone was in the room. I had an employee from our maintenance department come with a tool to open the door when the security latch is engaged. I was able to work the latch off, and we slowly opened the door. I looked inside and saw the television on, lights off, and a body under the blankets on the bed. I announced myself again, but again, there was no response.

I asked the assembled staff to stay outside; only the Executive Housekeeper and I would walk in. We went in, hairs standing up on the back of our necks, and walked over to the bed. When we removed the covers, we were relieved that it was not a body...instead, it was pillows stacked to look like a body. In all the commotion of trying to gain access, everyone forgot that this room had an adjoining door. What likely happened is the guests had both rooms; they staged this one with the pillows and the security latch, then walked into the adjoining room to exit.

I'm sure they wished they had us, as they would've been proud of the prank. Fortunately for the staff, it was only a joke, and they didn't have to deal with something that does, unfortunately, happen on occasion in hotels."

"I used to work for Marriott. This sort of thing happens. People do live out fantasies in hotel rooms — but not all are sexual. Sometimes, people just want to regress, pretend, whatever. I'm all for you being you and taking time for yourself to do WHATEVER — as long as no harm is done and everyone is a consenting adult in no danger. No judgment."

Entries have been edited for length and clarity.