“They finished their first dance like this was not an absolutely traumatic experience for everyone in the room.”

"Apparently, he wanted to have his ventriloquist's dummy give his vows. He must have kept bringing out the dummy in inappropriate situations because she left him three months later."

"1) The groom had a health problem a couple of months before the wedding, and the bride wouldn't shut up about how he was ruining her wedding with his crutches.

2) We had a betting pool on how long the marriage would last. Not a single person in the family and friends group refused to participate or said, 'This is inappropriate.' The groom's father won (9 months)."

"Later, the bride was in the kitchen making a load of sandwiches and mini sausages for the reception (in her wedding dress), while the groom sat in the bar drinking heavily with his mates.

When it was time to cut the cake, he was swinging the knife around, pretending he was Rambo, while his poor bride tried so hard to laugh and act like she was enjoying herself and not close to tears.

"Everyone could see it. The groom reached over, took her phone, and placed it face down on the table. She picked it up again and continued. Any time I share this story, people say it can't be true, but a bunch of guests took photos as proof. The couple are, apparently, working on a divorce (thank goodness, because the groom deserves someone so much nicer)."

"She was pissed as a fart. He had to hold her up to cut the cake. We've known them both for years. I tried to convince him it was a bad idea on his stag do, resulting in me not being invited to the day do.

It lasted about 18 months, and she demanded £50k for her half of the house they had bought the year before."

"She and the groom had this rescued Rottweiler that they really loved, and they’d had him in some pretty intense training to be a 'tough dog' (as the groom wouldn't stop calling him). The dog was even part of the ceremony as the ring bearer, which, you know, was very cute.

But then at the reception, in the middle of the couple's first dance, a guy kicked open the door of the ballroom and charged in shouting, 'Babe! I miss you! Don’t do this!' And the bride goes, 'What are you doing? We're over! I don’t want to see you!' And the guy lunges at her, and suddenly the fucking dog attacks him. It's losing its mind, barking and growling, and it bites down on his arm and wrestles him to the ground.

People start screaming. I hear some kids at the table next to me crying, and the whole thing is just chaos. And then suddenly the guy stands up like nothing happened. The dog sits down, and the bride announces that this guy is their fucking dog trainer, and this was a demonstration of the dog’s 'defensive abilities'. He takes a bow and shows the little padded protective thing he had on his arm under his shirt. And then he has the audacity to have the dog do a couple of normal tricks, like rolling over and barking on command.

We all kind of politely applauded, he walked out of the room, and then they finished their first dance like this was not an absolutely traumatic experience for everyone in the room. Anyway, it lasted like two years."

"They lasted about an hour, had a big fight, and the bride stormed out. The groom left with his friends, and the guests who remained enjoyed the food.

The groom ended up drunk and sleeping with someone, he quit the job a few weeks later, and about eight months later had become a father.

The bride went on a bit of a revenge romp. She was fired after being caught in the storeroom with a delivery driver.

Twenty-year store veteran Grilda ranked it the fourth most enjoyable work wedding in her years."

"About five seconds in, record scratch, and the song was replaced by 'You're the One for Me, Fatty' by Morrissey. The groom turned around, leaving the bride standing shell-shocked in the middle on her own, and started running in circles around the edge of the dance floor, laughing and waving his arms around.

"The couples who did the smashing-cake-in-the-face thing and the couples who spent an embarrassing amount on their 'dream wedding' are my couples who have split. My couples who tossed traditions, did potlucks, got married on the beach, etc., are going the strongest. The more a couple forms themselves to their wedding day, the lower their odds, while couples who form the wedding to their personalities and relationships do the best.