Do yourself a favor and check these out.

Hi, I’m Dave, author of all those articles your aunt sent you that you may or may not have clicked on.These include: the most-read post in BuzzFeed history, this ode to grocery store music, the new and improved high school GED test, and this stunning exposé.

No comments about any other part of David's body.

Well, an exhibition currently located in Melbourne, Australia. Be honest: are you sniffing that finger right after it just touched the Titanic? Just me? Okay.

Specifically ANA Airlines. And here I am thinking a nuts 'n' oats bar is the pinnacle of class.

William Jennings Bryan is SICK right now.

It lived in the modern day Americas and went extinct about 12,000 years ago. Would love to play some hoops with this bad boy.

The portrait was done by Gilbert Stuart, who apparently had something better to do than finish up ol' George's portrait?

He would use a black crayon to cross off clues because it didn't make any noise.

Folks, do we stan our boy Jonathan the giant tortoise?

It's got little car intestines! Ain't that sweet.

We love our eight-armed friends, don't we folks?

Not a big Andy Jackson guy, but I am, however, a big old daguerreotype guy.

Imagine eating a stalk of Brussels like a corn on the cob. What a beautiful world that would be.

The window is down. Took me a second, too.

It's not a big ol' orangey planet from the outside.

There's actually a bunch of holes in the Sphinx (do not discuss this sentence in the comments) that mostly lead to nowhere.

It was called that because the person who "discovered" it was disappointed at how small it was. It's now known as Kumpupintil Lake, which is much nicer.

Buddy, call me when there's a Miller Lite finch.

That being said, I'd love to have a secret gorilla handshake.

They were worn with sandals and, presumably, by our alien overlords.

I've been trying to tell you: Looney Tunes is REAL. 

They can apparently be used to mount solar panels. Also, presumably, for some really good dad jokes.

Never thought you'd see a keyboard that big, huh? Did ya?

$150 a pound! DM me if you want to invest in wasabi futures.

What kind of powers does eating the ultra-pickle grant you, you think?

These are known as Capri lemons, and they taste a bit different than your run of the mill lemon.

It's located in Lebanon. See that little speck down there? That's a person. The Romans pulled out all the stops for the god of wine.

The sting has been likened to feeling as if "a running hair dryer has just been dropped into your bubble bath."

Just in case you're ever in Guam and need to grab a McChicken.