Ask anyone what dating is like in 2026 and you’ll likely hear the same complaints: dating apps suck, situationships are everywhere and ghosting is routine.

As a result, many singles have learned to play it cool when they meet someone they genuinely like. They avoid asking for reassurance, downplay their feelings and pretend they’re perfectly unbothered.

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But the lack of vulnerability may be sabotaging connections before they have a chance to grow. And the same fear that stops people from asking where a relationship is headed may also be stopping them from talking about debt, spending habits and financial stress.

Natassia Miller, an AASECT-certified sexologist, says modern dating culture rewards appearing effortless. Being busy, independent and thriving is attractive.

“Many of us are dating with a backlog of ghosting, breadcrumbing, situationships, which means that any bid for closeness feels risky,” she tells Moneywise. “The irony is that the very behaviors that create secure relationships, honesty, vulnerability, clear communication now get pathologized as neediness.”

Far from being a red flag, healthy reassurance-seeking can help build the trust needed for some of a relationship’s toughest conversations, including the ones about money.

Money is often one of the most sensitive topics in a relationship. Whether you’re carrying student debt, saving for a major goal or working toward a promotion, those aren’t always the kinds of details people feel comfortable sharing early on.

“Money is one of the most emotionally loaded topics in relationships because it sits at the intersection of survival, status, and self-worth,” Miller explained. “When you add the fear of seeming needy or greedy, many people avoid the subject altogether.”

For some people, appearing financially successful can feel just as important as making a good first impression. A survey commissioned by Credit One Bank (1) found that 51% of Gen Z and millennials say looking rich has become part of the dating game, while more than one-third (37%) said they would be willing to overdraft their account or go into debt to impress a date.

“Financial vulnerability is framed as failure, not honesty,” Miller explained.

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The pressure to appear put together doesn’t end after the early stages of dating. It can also influence how people talk about money once a relationship starts to become more serious.

“‘If I tell them about my debt, will they judge me?’ ‘If I ask to split dates or choose cheaper plans, will I seem cheap or ungrateful?’ ‘If I ask where this is going, will they think I’m only in this for financial security?’” Miller said.

When financial honesty feels risky, it’s often easier to avoid the conversation altogether. Many couples delay talking about debt, savings or credit scores until they’re deeply invested in the relationship and sometimes until they’ve already tied the knot.

Avoiding money conversations doesn’t make financial issues disappear. In some cases, it may encourage people to be less than honest about them.

According to the National Endowment for Financial Education (2), roughly one in five people who share finances with a partner have been dishonest about debt, income or other financial matters. Americans view those secrets as a serious breach of trust: A Bankrate survey (3) found that 43% believe financial infidelity is just as damaging to a relationship as physical cheating.

The problem isn’t reassurance itself. Miller says there’s an important difference between seeking occasional reassurance and relying on constant validation.

“In a secure relationship, reassurance is like checking the GPS together during a road trip: “Are we still going in the same direction?” It’s periodic, purposeful, and helps you both relax,” Miller explained. “In an anxious dynamic, it’s like refreshing the map every thirty seconds because you don’t trust you’ll arrive unless you’re constantly reassured.”

One way to make money conversations feel less intimidating is to start with values instead of dollar amounts. Rather than immediately discussing salaries, debt balances or retirement accounts, Miller suggests talking about what money represents to each person.

Questions such as “What did you learn about money growing up?” or “When do you feel most financially stressed?” can reveal a lot about someone’s relationship with money.

Healthy reassurance-seeking also involves taking responsibility for your own situation while inviting a partner into the conversation, Miller says. For example, someone paying down debt might explain that they’re trying to be mindful of spending and ask whether their partner would be open to more budget-friendly date ideas. The goal isn’t to have someone else solve the problem, but to work together as a team.

In a dating culture that often rewards appearing unbothered, Miller says the strongest relationships are often built by people willing to have uncomfortable conversations — about both their feelings and their finances.

“Partners who are actually capable of secure, long-term love are looking for someone whose needs are nameable, negotiable, and met with reciprocity,” Miller said.

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Credit One Bank (1); National Endowment for Financial Education (2); Bankrate (3)

This article originally appeared on Moneywise.com under the title: 'Playing it cool' is common in dating right now, but experts say that it can hurt your relationship and your finances

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