Of all the things one could criticize Lauren Sánchez Bezos for, Megyn Kelly opted for the laziest.

On Tuesday, the former Fox News host decided to trash every “out-of-touch elitist’s” look at the 2026 Met Gala on her podcast. But Kelly reserved a certain level of seething vitriol for Sánchez Bezos, who acted as the event’s main sponsor and honorary chair alongside her husband, Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos.

There are multiple reasons people dislike Sánchez Bezos — including her annoying New York Times profile, unapologetic “let them eat cake” vibes, support for President Donald Trump, and awkward attempts to launch herself into the fashion world with a Scrooge McDuck-sized vat of cash.

But those reasons aren’t why Kelly mocked the former journalist.

After calling Sánchez Bezos’ Met Gala dress “boring” (fair) and ranting about her “enormous fake breasts,” Kelly spent several minutes dissecting what she claimed was Sánchez Bezos’ biggest faux pas.

“It’s not the dress, which was a bore; it’s the face. It is the face,” Kelly exclaimed, motioning to her own face.

“She is so pulled and prodded. She looks… like an alien, which is perfect, given what she did with outer space,” Kelly sniped, referring to Sánchez Bezos’ trip to space on one of her husband’s Blue Origin rockets last year with Katy Perry, Gayle King and other women.

“The cheeks,” Kelly, continued. “Sister, I’m going to tell you, you have all the money in the world, and I know that you can correct this. You go to your — not your surgeon, you clearly have the wrong one — go to a good New York surgeon. Get out of Miami and LA, because they’ve done wrong by you.”

Kelly then started to provide Sánchez Bezos with tips on how to improve her visage.

“You tell them you want that filler out of your face. You tell them you want that filler out of your lips. You tell them they’ve done something to your eyes that’s making you look crosseyed,” Kelly said. “I don’t know what it is, but you look crosseyed now. You never looked crosseyed before.”

Regina George, er, Kelly, then went on to demonstrate what good cosmetic procedures look like by using herself as an example.

“I have the Botox, but I can do this,” Kelly said, demonstrating that she can raise her eyebrows. “But that’s because I say to the derm, ‘I want some movement, I don’t want to be frozen.’ Lauren, my friend, that’s what you need to tell your doc.”

“Take out the filler, and if everything is saggy … then you can get the Kris Jenner facelift, which would serve you much better than what you are doing,” Kelly said.

“Online people are saying she has more plastic in her face than a Tupperware factory,” Kelly concluded. “And that’s how it looks to me, too. It’s just, it’s too much.”

Ultimately, Kelly could’ve saved some time by just opening up her burn book and writing “fugly slut” next to a photo of Sánchez Bezos, but she opted for the much longer and pettier version. Very fetch.

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