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Pedro: "What was your nickname as a child?"

Dakota: "Mhm. Spelled the way the frog is spelled. C-O-Q-U-I."

Pedro: "Ah, Coqui. Coqui... Cock." [both laugh]

Dakota: "Yeah. My nickname as a little girl was cock. You f---ing idiot." 

"I would say that there's a gap between my back molar and my front tooth. That's where the chicken gets stuck, and it continues to sort of burn. But I've gotten to the point—" [turns directly to the camera]. "You should know this, too. That I'm used to the sensation of my jaw having been melted away by battery acid, maybe. And then, I think I'm going to go to the Whitney Museum this afternoon, unless I shit myself. Goodbye."

Interviewer: "Do you think you're a heartthrob?" 

Pedro: "Really? [laughs] That's right. Yes, I am. Yes, I'm a heartthrob." 

Interviewer: "Do you ever look at Instagram accounts devoted to you being a heartthrob when you're feeling down?"

Jimmy: "Is that six extra shots or six total shots in one cup of coffee?"

Pedro: "I cannot— I cannot begin to tell you how violating this was. There's so much context to why it's become six shots of espresso. It was always a quad. But then I feel like the cups got bigger and I don't know, the shots got less strong and at some point it became six, and it was an incredibly private morning ritual that I never wanted anyone to know about." 

Pedro: "Who does Oscar Isaac look like? Oh! I remember who you look like. That Muppet I told you about."

Pedro: "The grumpy eagle." [Oscar slaps him] [both laugh]

Pedro: "I got a special Mandalorian coin."

Interviewer: "I got one from John, and I framed it."

"I'm helping him go on tape for this new amazing role... and I'm reading the sides, and I'm like—" [points to himself] "He was in his late 30s, he had eight daughters, he's a slut, he's dangerous. I was like, 'This is perfect! For me.'"

Interviewer: "Did you play that game before you starred in the adaptation?"

Pedro: "No. I tried. I really, really did try. I tried. I tried. And my nephew really didn't have the patience, so he took the console from me. And I was just like, 'Well then, you f---ing do it'. So, I just watched him play." [both laugh] "It's a skill! I was like [mimics playing the game] I couldn't get out of the corner... all these things, and I couldn't figure it out." 

"One of my worst qualities... There are funny TikTok videos about having Latino parents, and if you hear an argument outside or somebody having any kind of an argument or a fight, you're literally—" [acts like he's eavesdropping].

"At that point, it's really late. I've got to get up in the morning. I take an Ambien to go to sleep just in case. They've got my adrenaline kind of going and my hopes up. But I get a call, and I get told that I got the job after I took the Ambien. [laughs] And so, I was excited, I guess, but I didn't remember. I woke up in the morning, and the first thing that occurred to me was like, 'Oh, man. I really want that job.'"

Josh Horowitz: "Would you rather get 'This is the way' tattooed on your face or your back?"

Josh Horowitz: "That might limit your roles if you have it on your face."

Pedro: "And on my back might be a completely different message as well." 

Interviewer: "Are you about to take a polygraph exam?"

Pedro: "Because you're trying to make me nervous, and I'm a vulnerable person, and it works... And I'm hungover." 

"I think the Americans have a much more horrifying version of an Irish exit... It's terrible, and we get canceled. Irish exit is not an early leave. It's like— Oh, really? I misunderstood it. Wait, I need the room to help me. My publicist is like—" [mimics a director saying, 'Cut'].

Oscar: [reads cue card] "Pedro Pascal mustache."

Pedro: "You know what, I'd like to talk about the mustache. I think today's the day. [motions to Oscar's mustache] You see, this is powerful, clean-shaven... this is powerful facial hair. [Motions to his own mustache] This looks like you're undernourished. I actually was doing a play before Narcos started shooting, and the boss came to see the play, and he was like, 'Keep the 'stache,' and I was like, 'Okay,' and now people are like, 'Don't ever get rid of your mustache. You look like my grandmother without it.'"

Moderator: [Earlier in the video] "Would you rather have a mouth full of bees, or one bee in your butt?"

Moderator: [Two minutes later] "Would you rather be constantly itchy when you're wearing clothes, or be constantly itchy when you're naked?"

Pedro: "And you have such a great body." 

Chris Evans: "Well, you can all help me itch it." [Pedro laughs] 

Pedro: "Where's that scratch? That's the bee." [everyone laughs]

Interviewer: "Where do you think people go wrong with modern dating?"

Chris: "I think they go wrong by thinking that someone else is going to fill the empty gaps... if you're not okay without it, you're never going to be okay with it, so make sure that you're whole. You've got to give the best version of yourself—" [Dakota and Pedro look at each other and start laughing].

Pedro: "I'll fill those empty gaps." [everyone laughs]

Dakota: "What kind of kid were you in high school?"

Pedro: "I changed a lot, like Madonna. I was like a theater nerd and also like a little bit of a raver... like techno. It was the early '90s. Like Dr. Seuss f---ing hats, parachute-type pants, thick rubber-sole sneakers. It was pretty great."

"I think everyone thinks I'm some kind of an athlete, and I'm really not. I'm just an actor, and my back is killing me."

Ebon Moss-Bachrach: “There’s this particular Chilean dessert, Torta Chilena."

Ebon Moss-Bachrach: “Yeah, it’s like layers—” 

Pedro: “That would be a very typically Argentinian cookie!” [laughs]

Pedro: "You suffocate your father, and then you fire General Maximus after that." 

Pedro: "Well, you actually tell people to kill him."

Ari: "That feels a little different..." [laughs]

Pedro: "That was getting fired back then. I get fired, too, in this movie. I get fired by the emperors, and that means being thrown into the arena and fighting my own men."

"A Melvin is when you get pantsed. You get Melvined. A wedgie. Unfortunately, I know that one. I got Melvined. Not in the '60s. It traveled all the way into the late '80s, unfortunately." [laughs]

Graham: "A lot of these things are green screen, but Baby Yoda is there?"

Pedro: "Yes, Baby Yoda is there. There are two different versions of—" [pause] "I can't believe I said Baby Yoda."

Graham: "You're not supposed to say that?"

Pedro: "I got to go." [pretends to get up to leave]

Pedro: "Um, you know, just following the rules!"

Moderator: "Would you rather sneeze glitter or fart bubbles?"

Pedro: "Bubbles float up in the air and then pop. Glitter will get everywhere, but make everything sparkly."