"If you sound like a plane taking off, then you’ve got to go."

"That or my shitty ex boyfriend’s name."

"My mom, whose brother’s name is David, married a David.

My wife’s mother, whose brother’s name is Gary, married a Gary.

My wife’s aunt (sister of my wife’s father named Gary), whose brother’s name is David, married a David."

"And here’s me thinking I didn’t have one. Add me to this list, because I would 100% break up with someone who didn’t know ‘your’ from ‘you’re’."

Get to feck. Find some other way of trying to be funny."

Additional thumbnail credits: Paramount Pictures, Paramount Pictures